"The Master of Disguise" is a poorly conceived and ineptly executed excuse to string together several hit-or-miss skits by Saturday night Live alum Dana Carvey. Numerous celebrity cameos and lame movie in-jokes are designed to make this film seem hip. The end result is a waste of 90 minutes. There are a couple of good jokes but nothing else. "The Master of Disguise" should have a stake driven through its heart and be sent to box-office perdition.

      The Disguisey family practiced the magical art of disguise for centuries. They used their power to thwart thieves and help get Abraham Lincoln elected among other things. Patriarch Fabbrizio Disguisey (James Brolin) retired from the family business in 1979 after helping capture Devlin Bowman (Brent Spiner),a master criminal in Sicily. Fabbrizio was disguised as Bo Derek in the movie "10." Apparently Devlin had made some moves on Bo/Fabbrizio that the disguise master didn't like. He decided to quit the business and never expose his infant son to the secret of their clan.

      Cut forward to the present day. The Disguisey family runs an Italian restaurant in New York. Fabbrizio's son, Pistachio (Dana Carvey) is a clumsy nerd with no social skills. He desires to meet a large bottom woman, just like Momma (Edie McClurg) and settle down. Of course, there is this unknown drive he has to mimic those around him. He doesn't understand. One night, Devlin kidnaps his mother and father. Devlin was freed after twenty years in jail. Devlin drugs Momma and forces Fabbrizio to use his powers as a master of disguise to steal rare works of art and historical items: The Liberty Bell, The US Constitution, the Apollo 11 Lunar Module (hey dumbass, they left the damn thing on the moon!). You get the point.

      This event brings Grandfather (Harold Gould) into Pistachio's life. Grandfather explains the family heritage to Pistachio and becomes his mentor ALA Yoda. Every super hero needs a sidekick. Pistachio gets Jennifer (Jennifer Esposito) as his assistant. Together , Pistachio and Jennifer rescue the parents, ruin Devlin Bowman and live happily ever after.

      So what, I spoiled the movie. Wrong! Dana Carvey spoiled this movie when he sat down to write it with Harris Goldberg. The film was co-produced by Adam Sandler. Director Blake has helmed most of Mr. Sandler's films. His direction can't be faulted. The script is what stinks. Maybe Mr. Blake could have turned down the job! That would have been a novel idea. I could see Mr. Blake saying to Dana Carvey "I'll be honored to direct your film...When you write one!"

      There are a couple of good laughs. Carvey does a very funny imitation of Robert Shaw as Quint in "Jaws." He also nails Al Pacino as Tony Montana in "Scarface." Every guy in the world has used the line "Say hello to my little friend." Mr. Carvey is like the rest of us in that respect. Unfortunately, the Tony Montana bit goes on to long. There is also a recurring fart joke, which was very funny the first time it happened. By the fifth time, the joke smelled as bad as its source.

      It was nice to see veteran comedic actor Harold Gould in a prominent role. I also enjoyed seeing James Brolin back on the big screen. Unfortunately, because of this film, it may be a long time before we see them again. I hope everyone was paid up front for this one, because it isn't likely that there will be any backend money to split. Celebrity cameos include Bo Derek, Jesse Ventura, Jessica Simpson and Paula Abdul. The are in-joke references to “The Exorcist,” “Star Wars” and several other films which have been done before and better in other films. "The Master of Disguise" is lame entertainment for the least discerning minds.

Rusty White, 2002