But Celebrity disappoints. The simple plot follows journalist Lee Simon (Kenneth Branagh) as he dives into the glamourous world of the celebrity set, an exploration which for him mainly involves getting laid (Melanie Griffith, Charlize Theron, Famke Janssen and Winona Ryder are the targets of Simon's affections, making Simon one of Allen's most accomplished protagonists). At the same time, Simon's ex-wife, Robin, slowly gets her life back in order by finding a too-good-to-be-true man (Joe Mantegna) and a bit of celebrity of her own. Judy Davis, as Robin, gives a fine performance, though one not terribly different from the tortured shtick she treated us to in Allen's infinitely superior Husbands and Wives.

      There are a few-- and for a Woody Allen picture far too few-- inspired moments along the way. A scene backstage at a Jerry Springer-like talk show demonstrates that Woody's keen satirical eye has not lagged behind the times (in the green room, a rabbi complains that the skinheads have eaten all the bagels). And Leonardo DiCaprio completely delivers the goods as a Johnny Depp-like hotel-trashing star. We all-- not just the teenage girls across America-- would have been better off if his character were the focus of the film. The vast majority of Celebrity, however, is just rather lackluster, the exact opposite of what you'd expect a film about celebrity to be (especially one by Allen, who you'd imagine would have sharpened his knives on this topic after all he's gone through in the public eye of late.)

      Another enormously problematic aspect of Celebrity is Branagh's performance, a full-on, unabashed impersonation of Woody Allen. Although I am sure there is meant to be something very clever about Branagh's decision to completely ape Allen's star persona in a film which purports to dissect the phenomenon of celebrity, I found his stammering and shoulder-shrugging forced and distracting. It serves only to remind the audience how much funnier Allen would have been if he instead had taken on the role. Although Allen, who is getting on in the years, is wise to be searching for an heir to take over acting duties, he should now thank Branagh very kindly and send him back to Shakespeare, pronto.

      Celebrity is shot in black and white and makes New York look far prettier than it really is (which fits nicely with the movie's theme). And for those who, like me, are constantly asking themselves the age-old question "Can Winona Ryder act?" I must say that she does a terrific job here, so I'm not writing her off just yet. At the end of the day though, Celebrity is simply sub-par Allen, a bland entry in an amazing canon of works.

Eric Lanyard, 1999