Along Came a Spider should follow the lead of its namesake nursery rhyme to a certain extent -- down will come the rain and wash this spider out. The difference is that there won't be any sun, because Lee Tamahori's Spider is just a terribly average crime thriller with a few twists and turns thrown in for their own sake. In the end it turns out to be more unbelievable than not.

      The film begins with a senator's daughter (Mika Boorem) getting kidnapped by a teacher (Michael Wincott) from an elite Washington, D.C., prep school under the noses of the Secret Service. Dr. Alex Cross (Morgan Freeman, "reprising" his role from 1997's Kiss the Girls), a brilliant forensic psychologist, is brought on the scene to crack the case with the help of a secret service agent (Monica Potter) who's left holding the bag. The two work together to dissect the mind of the teacher, Gary Soneji, in order to find the young girl's whereabouts before it's too late.

      The movie's preposterous nature begins in the plot, which seems to exist for its own sake, and not for any particular reason. The viewer will spend most of the movie wondering why Soneji kidnapped the girl in the first place, as he never asks for a ransom of any sort. The best explanation given is that Soneji never got the love he desired from his parents -- the hallmark of a twisted psychopath. But while that might be a good enough reason for writer Marc Moss, it seems to me that such an elaborate plan should be rooted a little deeper.

      But things don't go very deep in Along Came a Spider. As in all Hollywood crime thrillers, the bad guy wants to play a "game" with the police. Why is this? Having executed the perfect crime, the bad guy always finds it necessary to give the police clues and hints. It's as if they're saying, "Here I am! Come and get me!" If only real criminals were as "intelligent" as the criminals in the movies -- the world might just be a safer place.

      Of course, the movie isn't all bad. Aside from a few bumps, the first half of the film is entertaining and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats. But then director Tamahori decides to give the movie a series of sharp turns and it all goes downhill from there. The viewer is taken on a roller coaster ride of impossible events that are supposed to shock and surprise (they do, but for the wrong reasons), but they're just too implausible. For instance: Spider has one of those classic scenes where our hero is attempting to access password-encrypted files on the villain's computer. In that instant, our hero can recall one conversation out of millions that might contain the password. He types it in, and it's correct. Sure. That's believable.

      Luckily for the film, though, Morgan Freeman was able to do his job and do it well. Once again, he portrays Alex Cross better than we could've asked for -- if only the story would've given him a little support. Monica Potter as Special Agent Jezzie Flannigan did nothing for the film except add a pretty face (she's essentially a Julia Roberts wannabe with half the talent). After coming off movies like The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and the Freddie Prinze Jr. romantic comedy Head Over Heels, I would have thought it obvious that Ms. Potter is not ready for a decent movie.

      So, overall, with a stale plot and some cardboard-cutout characters, Along Came a Spider is nothing special. Fans of Morgan Freeman might see a bit more merit in this one, but by and large everyone else will find themselves a little surprised but not extremely pleased.

Beth Reimann, 2001?